Breaking News: Kitty Kelley Tell-All of Linda McMahon Will "Shock, Surprise"
(Hollywood, CA) - An upcoming biography of World Wrestling Entertainment Chief Executive Officer Linda McMahon by famed tell-all novelist Kitty Kelley will "shock and surprise" people, according to anonymous sources.
"People see Linda McMahon on television and think she's this quiet, reserved, and slightly ugly, woman," said our source, whom we swear isn't Dr. Tom Pritchard. "But there's a whole other side to her that will come out in this book."
Among the dirt allegedly spilled in the book "Linda McMahon: Wrestling Whore" are the following claims:
She killed the original Dink The Clown during a 1994 argument over an evening's payoff.
Stephanie McMahon was fathered not by Vince, but rather Harley Race.
In the late-1990's, she was often seen backstage chanting Satanic verses along with members of The Ministry of Darkness.
She came up with the entire WCW/ECW InVasion angle and threatened to "bitch slap" anyone who tinkered with her storylines.
Her ill-advised attempt to market Ravishing Rick Rude-brand condoms in 1989.
Once spotted running out of Titan Towers, chasing after Sean Mooney with a tire iron.
She had a torrid four-year love affair with Mister Bob Backlund that culminated in the December 1983 "throw in the towel" finish.
She was originally going to be the person behind GTV.
(Unlike other wrestling-related books such as this one and this one, which we at World Wrestling Insanity News can proudly vouch for.)
And Kelley, who has previously written tell-alls on Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Elizabeth Taylor, Nancy Reagan and others, surprisingly did not return phone calls when contacted by a website about professional wrestling. This makes us just think that she's trying to keep the book launch a secret for now.
"Just wait till you get to know the real Linda," laughed our source. "She'll rue the day she forced herself on me, or my name's not Tom Pri… I mean… uh, Tom… Zenk."
Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com